Midlife — the crisis we have to have?

Google midlife and up come umpteen references to crisis. A crisis sounds like a bad thing, but the Macquarie Dictionary calls it “a decisive or vitally important stage in the course of anything, a turning point, a critical time or occasion”. According to psychologist Robyn Vickers-Willis, that’s exactly what we engage in sometime between our mid to late 30s and our 50s.

Many of us grew up learning that a woman’s role is to create harmony and be there for others. We were rewarded for being good, quiet and compliant. We learnt to not rock the boat and to bite our tongues. But in midlife it’s as though, like a snake, we need to shed this now tight and ill-fitting skin.

Swiss psychologist Carl Jung said that the first half of our lives is about creating a life based on what our parents, partners, peers, significant others and society in general expects from us. But in the second half we create a life based on who we truly are.

In middle-age many women learn to say no for the first time. They stop being at everyone’s beck and call and start putting their needs first. Of course not everyone around us is thrilled by that, and it can make for a rocky stage of life. It is as though we are straddling a chasm, with one foot in our old conditioning and the other in our authenticity.

The beauty of this time is that it often forces us to make choices about who we want to be and how we want to live. Many women experience midlife as a time of personal growth, self-awareness and greater self-esteem.

Robyn Vickers-Willis suggests we take the time to notice how we’re feeling emotionally and physically. Notice your thoughts and decide whether they are contributing to the life you want. If not, challenge them. And learn to express your own needs and feelings without invalidating the people around you.

Finally, midlife is an opportunity to craft a life you love. Look for simple ways to experience play, passion, fun and joy. Keep checking in and noticing what really absorbs you, nourishes you, and lights you up. The things you loved when you were young, but set aside as you grew older may be waiting to be rediscovered. Each woman has to navigate her own midlife journey. The main requirement is that we stay open to what shows up along the way.

Midlife — the crisis we have to have?

Further reading